Just a few quick, delicious shots of insightfulness about terrorism, Santa Claus, traumatized fish and Facebook.

Uber-exclusive and expensive private colleges and universities are not good causes worthy of your support.

Are you an organ donor or a heatless monster?

I'll give you six headlines, you guess who wrote them. Note: almost no one will find this article funny.

I’m not exactly sure what questions my grandchildren will ask in 2070. All I know is this: I hope they don’t ask any questions about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Because I can’t imagine what I’ll say.

Being a man who doesn’t give a shit about sports is a lot like being a Jew on Christmas, if it was Christmas every single day of the year.

If I were to list out my five hundred most admirable qualities, my gift for keeping secrets would easily make the cut. Find out how you can be more like me.

There’s a few ex-girlfriends that I've just never been able to get out of my head.

Everyone is pooping on English majors these days. And yet, 30% of the average workday is spent reading and writing pointless e-mails, and the other 40% is spent bullshitting in meetings. Who the deuce do you think is best equipped for that kind of work?

Now that I have my own website, all I need is millions of people to visit it every day. And according to my extensive research, one of the easiest ways to accomplish that is for me to start compiling asinine lists of things.