Billion Dollar Idea #3: The Electrified Bed Fence
April 20, 2014

Billion Dollar Idea #3: The Electrified Bed Fence

Filed under World Improvements

So, you’ve found someone. I’m happy for you --- love is considered a beautiful thing in some cultures. And now, you’ve decided to take your relationship to the next level, and move in together. Also a beautiful thing, assuming the Lord Xenu has blessed your union and the unreasonable costs of rent in your metropolitan area have made such an arrangement financially necessary.

But after a few weeks of sharing a bed together, you have a horrible realization: “I haven’t been sleeping well.” You try to identify the root cause of your suffering, and you stumble upon a possible culprit: maybe you haven’t been sleeping well because your significant other keeps rolling over onto your side of the bed. Maybe you haven’t been sleeping well because you wake up every 5 minutes with a foreign elbow lodged inside of your ribcage.

Is any part of this rant resonating with you? Have you been jostled awake by an aggressive bed hog one too many times? Well boy have I got a product for you! It’s called the “Electrified Bed Fence,” and it’s coming soon to a Sleepy’s near you.

So, what is the Electrified Bed Fence? Well, it’s kind of what it sounds like --- a retractable net, pulsing with high-voltage electricity, that hooks onto a headboard and can be stretched across the middle of your bed, keeping your partner far away from your side of the mattress. If your love interest tries to roll over or claw their way into your personal space, they will receive a gentle shock, which will wake them up, ward them off, and cover their body in fatal third-degree burns. It’s like a curtain, if curtains could kill. 

It’s simple to use: after you’re done cuddling or talking about Game of Thrones, you say goodnight to your loved one and then pull out the Electrified Bed Fence, guaranteeing several hours of uninterrupted sleep. There’s even a handy setting that will automatically move the fence a few inches to the left every night, gradually eating away at your bedmate’s territory until they’re sleeping on the floor. Revenge is a dish best served with 10,000 watts.  

As with any successful product, I’ll need to show the investors on Shark Tank my go-to-market strategy. After conquering the US, I plan to move into developing markets in APAC and EMEA. And for third-world countries, which may not have the same reliable access to electricity, I’ll introduce my second SKU --- the “Bed Fence.” It’s just like the Electrified Bed Fence, but it’s made from rusty barbed wire salvaged from decaying military bases.  

So, who wants a good nights sleep?! Order an Electrified Bed Fence right now and we’ll throw in a free “get away from me” spear and a pit of organic bed lava!

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